everybody needs to scream
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
I am practically taking care of my pet rabbit for 6years all by myself. It got worse after I went to prevet in university. Now they are delegating all the responsibilieties to me, Father : excuses that he didnt agree with keeping pet at the first time Mother : actually she helps me whenever i feel too discharged to take care of my pet Younger Brother : NOT doing anything, says stupid uhhhh every time I ask him to do run a small errands for him and my father always dont let him do pet chores . He says that brothers allergy is the reason, but i have allergy too! My father is so unfair and stupid when it comes to taking care of pets. My sister : yeah she had done a lot before, but now, all she does is complaining to me.
All my families DO NOT give enough support for me to take care of my pet. The more I work hard the more they criticize me and the more they do nothing
They are a bunch of imbeciles and irresponsible potato sack. I think at least me and my brother would have the two biggest responsibilities but my father and my mother always protects him. The brother, happy that he has less chores, gladly accepts their protection.
Every time I bring the subject to my father since he defends my brother with passion, he always says my brother have an alergy and i agree. What i dont agree is that his allergy is not that bad and I also have an allergy too.
Frustrating incident1 : I was not well in the summer vacation so (we promised to do the cleaning 1 : 1) my brother agreed to do all the cleaning, but STILL, my parents made me do the cleaning whenever they wrre unpleasant. IT'S UNFAIR!! WHEN I GET POWER THEY BECOME OLD, I AM GOING TO IMPOSE THE EXACT REVENGE ON MY FATHER(mom finally got my message at the ALMOST end of the vacation father is stupid)
Now my pet needs medication every day and my brother is naturally out of this daily task. Amd no one accuse him. But everyone accuses me, who takes the best care to my rabbit,for not putting enough effort. And I feel that they never help me. They never thank me. THEY ARE JERKS WHO DONT KNOW HOW TO THANK PROPERLY. AND MY BROTHER IS A IRRESPONSIBLE JERK IMBECILE INCOMPETENT. Never has time for the pet, always has time for his friends, gets zero blames. In contrast to me, who spend massive amount of time, gets all the blame.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I'm sick of being sick twice in less than a month. I want to rip my throat out! After that, I plan on bitching at Sprint for why the hell they charge so much for a termination fee!! And screw this cold weather.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I suck and I am ugly no one likes me. I feel that everyone lies to me to make me happy.
Monday, November 2, 2009
10:04AM - Im so confused...
So I have been dating the same guy for 3 years (he is my first boyfriend), and recently I moved away to college and have started to meet new people and make new friends. Well I met this guy and we really hit it off, so much so that I'm beginning to have feelings for him and I'm pretty sure he has some for me. Like last night for example, Steve (the new guy friend), 2 other friends, and I went out to a playground and were having fun there for awhile, well after we had dropped everybody else off later I still wanted to spend some time with him so we went in my room and layed down and talked. I'm a very physical orientated person so we were close and if I was laying on my back he would have his head resting on my shoulder and if I was on my side he would have his head resting against my back and I loved it. I just feel so comfortable around him and he would say these sweet little comments about how soft my skin was or how nice I smelled and he offered to give me a back massage (I have a bad back) and it was amazing. We fell asleep together and i actually stayed close to him in my sleep which never happens with my boyfriend. I know that what I'm doing is technically cheating and I feel absolutely horrible about it! On one hand my boyfriend can be moody and jealous but he relies on me so much (he has already decided i'm the woman he is going to marry) and I'm the only person he trusts and I know that if I break up with him his whole world would crash and he would be depressed and angry. But on the other hand "Steve" makes me happy and I feel so comfortable around him but I haven't known him for very long. I'm so damn confused and I don't know what to do, i love my boyfriend but I'm starting to love "Steve" too...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I have problems sharing my problems even with people that are the closest to me because I feel that it'll change their perception of me.. I've always been the strong one and I was never the type to have guy problems. i so prided myself on being over to get over anyone and then I met this guy. its been so long and i still miss him. Its not like he treats me badly. He just never lets me move on even though I don't think he wants me in his life. He just confuses me so much.
Worst part is my best friend who was always with me and with whom we shared all boy problems is barely around anymore because she has a new bf. I think he's nice and I am happy for them but sometimes i hate him. i hate him so much because I almost hate her. I was there when she had problems. Can't she do the same??
Sometimes i actually get depressed enough to want to cut myself but I know I wont because it'll hurt my parents too much. But I wish I could because quite frankly i think any outlet would be better than just being.. existing.. i'm not even sure I feel anything anymore.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I miss my best friend.
She lives a thousand miles away, and she won't come online to talk to me. She's been 'too busy' to exchange so much as an email with me for over a month now. She expects me to believe that she hasn't been online at all during that time.
I bet she's been on every damn day and just has me blocked so I can't see her status...I text her everyday asking if she'll have time for me..most the time I don't get an answer. When I do get an answer, it's something along the lines of 'no, sorry..I won't be home tonight.'
I'm losing her again; she's fucking me over and not giving a shit about how much it's hurting me.
And the terrible thing is..I still love her.
More than anything, the strongest thing I feel for her is love.
This girl has been one of the closet people to me for four years..and she's done this to me before. I lost all contact with her for almost a year, because she was suddenly 'too busy' for me..I just got her back a year ago, and now it seems the cycle is starting all over again.
I want more than anything for her to be happy with the person I am and to love me just as much..to care about me and my happiness..Not to walk all over me and not give a damn when she pushes my face down in the mud.
I can't play these games anymore..I'm tired of being the one that shuts up and lets her take advantage of me. I'm tired of missing out on things I want to do in my life just so I can sit in front of a screen and IM her when she finally finds the time to talk to me. I'm tired of being the one that get's let down all the time. I'm tried of being the one that NEVER lets her down..I'm tired of being the one that's always there, when she never is..I'm tired of being the one who has to hurt. I'm so DAMN tired of being the one who gives a shit, when she clearly doesn't..
And I am so tired of being the one she thinks she can turn away from, and run back to when she suddenly remembers how much she loves me. I'm tired of being the one she feels guilty over for stabbing me in the back. I'm tired of being the one with the open wounds all the time..and I'm tired of her never being there to stitch them back up when I really need her to. I'm sick of how dependent I've been on her, when she's the least dependable person I've ever met. I'm sick of the lies and the deception and the petty bull shit she always pulls..I'm tired of her trying to hurt me, just to see if I'll get angry at her..I'm tried of being her damn toy.
And yet..Now she's not here again, and I'm so frustrated.
I miss her..
I'm losing her,
and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Looking for a place to rant, bitch, scream, and just let it all out?
Saturday, November 26, 2005
The guy is frustrated and I can tell in his voice. WTF does he want me to open up to him when he can't easily tell me wtf is going on with him instead of him "being an ass", his words not mine. I simply don't get it. I know I will never understand guys and I don't wish to, I just don't get how damn hard it is to tell someone you supposedly love wtf is on your mind?!?!?
Tuesday, February 8, 2005
I ordered a senior shirt back in September; I decided to put “Slasher” as my nickname, because I thought it would be fun to put it on my shirt so that only fellow slashers would get it.
I just got my shirt today, and the back is blank. Apparently the dean inspects all the names to see if they are school appropriate, and mine didn’t make the cut. Even more frustrating was the fact that the class president was suppose to inform me about it, so I could change my nickname before they send in the order. But my lousy lazybum of a president never bothered to tell me about it.
So now all I have is a lousy blank T-shirt that cost me $15, and it just ruined the week for me.
Thursday, February 3, 2005
10:14PM - Major Venting
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
She was right when she said that.
Were all gonna end up alone and miserable.
And I wish this wasnt true, I wish I could believe it isnt true, but it is, and I know it is.
Were all fucking miserable.
But I'm the only one whos alone.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
damn........ i've never felt this lonely again till now... damn it... i hate crying like this. i should've been writing in deadjournal (while i'm still alive that is) but i can't open the damn create link!! damn....
i'm already telling the very few people in my friends' list that, after a week, i'd be deleting ALL of you in my list. i dunno... just feel like my journal entries won't serve you anything. blah.
but why am i still writing in this place?
for one very simple wish... and am only gonna write this once...
that maybe... MAYBE... someday... somehow... someone can empathize with me.
i nearly forgot this pain already... having fun with games... with my friends... with my niece... with my family... i thought i'm finally through this...
but... weird enough... there is one thing that always reminds me of my pain... and damn... how i care for that one thing that i can never escape being reminded over and over again... damn
God knows how it hurts... it hurts like hell especially now.... and yet... i'll be feeling this again and again until i let go of that one very important thing and move on... but i can't... HOW CAN YOU LEAVE SOMEBODY WHO IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?! And damn... that person will neevr know... i'll never want her to know... but God it hurts like hell to be with her and at the same time, i care for her very much that i can't imagine leaving her and the life i already created now... damn
it's nobody's fault... i know the problem...
i can't find a worth in me
Sunday, September 19, 2004
11:46PM - What frustrates me the most...
I'm obsessed with my relationship with my boyfriend. I think I drive him crazy because I stress it so much. He keeps telling me to let go of the small stuff. I freak out about the fact that he has a lot more friends than I do. I feel like he has so much more of another world than I do. That when he is upset he can go run away and forget about me. I used to have a lot more close female friends and I went to them when I was distressed. But I realized that you can't always go to other people all the time.
The fact that I have been turning to my boyfriend so often these days makes me even more sure. You can't expect only one person to help you deal. It's too much for them. They have so many of their own problems to deal with and they end up feeling neglected. I guess I want to know why do I have to turn to someone? Why am I so bothered? Why am I writing so much here? Is this even helpful? It's so hard to know what's good and bad.
I don't even know where to stand on things. Like my boyfriend is a very independent person. I like the fact that he is so independent because it inspires me to be as such. However he does things... that doesn't always qualify as like your stand boyfriend behavior. Like hanging out with females in his bedroom until two in the morning. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that its weird and its not so much that it bothers me its that I think it should. And maybe it just bothers me that I don't feel like I have the power over him to get him to not. It's clear that he needs to have his own time with his own friends without it being an issue of whether he has permission or not. And now maybe to answer your question about why does he hang out so late? He works late and he likes to smoke a couple blunts with some friends before he goes to sleep, so people usually come over to his place. And I mean it happens all the time, even on nights when I stay over at his house. And that's really what brings it all about, it's because he smokes weed. He smokes a lot.
I understand that its his responsibility and he does do it responsibly and doesn't allow it to take over his responsibilities in life. But I don't know, I just keep finding myself saying in my head: but its not normal. Most girlfriends who have boyfriends who love them, don't smoke weed every night and always chill with friends. I don't want to criticize him for it and I know you can't ever expect to change someone on that. You need to just learn to accept it and I can, but its the question of whether I should? I can do anything but what are the things that I should be doing? Shouldn't I learn to be open and trusting?
Is it just I am concerned what other people think about my boyfriend and that's why I am bothered? I want him to conform more so I don't feel as odd for being his girlfriend. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking that...
As you can see, I turn things very complicated in my head when I just want things black and white. Good or bad. Ahh but it is so far from that.
Thanks to anyone who reads this.
Tuesday, August 3, 2004
I'm new here. My name's Kimmy and I'm 16 years old in 30 minutes.
I have a friend I haven't talked to in months and my friend Tom said that he found out where he is and his new AIM sn. So I asked him for it but he said to get it from my friend Jess. So I asked Jess and she said she wouldn't give it to me because I would screw things up for people. So I went in my room and vented by cutting myself on my leg. After I came back I asked Tom again and he said no. Not even as a birthday present. I want so much to talk to Jon again but no one is letting me in fear that I'll screw something up like last time and he'll ignore us all again. Its as if I'm the cause of everything they're going through with him. >
Saturday, May 22, 2004
9:57PM - HOLY SHIT IM SCARED
Keep looking at this picture till you find it. It might take a minute. This shit fucking scared me now Im home alone and Im freaked the hell out. I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS
11:31AM - WHAT A JOKE
"You are now entering Hammonton New Jersey...The blueberry capital of the world!"
Yea thats right,...thats what the sign says when you enter this town. Are they serious? Do they think thats cool? Because its not. Its fucking stupid if you ask me. In fact, you dont even have to ask me,...im just telling you, "its stupid." Does living in "the blueberry capital of the world" give you something to brag about?
"Hey my name is Brittany and I live in the Blueberry capital of the world!"...
That sounds so lame. What they should really say is
"You are now entering Hammonton New Jersey, the blueberry capital of the world! We make mexicans work hard in the fields all day and they sweat and we just sit there and watch."
Yea now how does THAT sound? Being in the fucking blueberry capital doesnt justify your stupidness and lamesness (is that even a word?).
For god sakes, the "hang out" here is the 24 hour diner where you will find 75% of your friends that came home from college for the weekend eating at three in the morning.
I just realized this is something really stupid to be "screaming" about, but,...fucking south jersey...
Friday, May 14, 2004
i dont get why if someone messages you in any way they possibly can and you don't message them back, why do they feel as if you do not want to talk to them? what if i am busy doing something else? sure, i can log off the computer and such but what if it was an emergency and such in which i simply forgot to turn it off? don't get all fucken moody if that's the case and if it's not, don't message other people to message me so i can message you. if i don't message you it's cause im busy, i thought it would be obvious. don't think im simply ignoring you for the fun of it, if i wanted to ignore you i would tell you to leave me alone or that i dont want to talk to you.
i've been dealing with shit over here that i do not care to tell others and you already know that. i told you i dont want to get into details of what i've been going through because it's my business and no one elses and i dont want to bother people with my problems that i feel i cant even make sense of for myself. it's ncie for you to want to help, but i dont want your help, just like i dont want anyone elses. let me be or else im walking away from our friendship. you are pushing too hard to want to know whats going on with me and that will simply make me want to push you away.
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